Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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