Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
