I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
