Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
