dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
