just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
