I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
