No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
