woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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