don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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