Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
