If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
