mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
