dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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