What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
