Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
