drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
