Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
