Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
