My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I need moral support for this bender
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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