i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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