The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
