Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
