I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
