I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
