Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
