Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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