Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
