you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
