I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
