if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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