Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
