Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
