Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
my liver is dry heaving
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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