Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
