dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
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