Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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