I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
