You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
