she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
