Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
