im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
