hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
