what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
