i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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