I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
