she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
