Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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