I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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