He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
