You're my little dorito
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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